


From the Inside Out

by Rolex



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Amemiya-sensei (in mention), F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 21:05:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13443378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rolex/pseuds/Rolex
Summary: Mei begins to realize that there are people out there who care more for the girl than the name.





	From the Inside Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting anything on AO3 and decided to try it out to see whether or not I like the site~ For anyone who reads Citrus fics on ffnet, you guys might know me as Zoop Top.
> 
> Just to let you guys know, this is my first time writing smut or anything like this general. More of my...frustrations in trying to write this fic are in the author's notes of my ffnet account. There aren't a lot of Citrus fics here, so that's another reason I decided to post ;u; I actually don't know whether or not I'll ever try writing smut again, but hey if y'all enjoyed this then maybe one day I'll consider in the future. Who knows? :D

To the world, she was known as Aihara Mei.

She was the heir to the Aihara family, born of high status, and carried wealth with her name.

To many, she was desirable for her name, wealth, and especially her body. Any man would have been drawn to her and immediately take her as a suitable wife. But none of them would have taken the chance to know her beyond that.

Mei realized this during her first engagement with her teacher, Amemiya. He seemed...charming, rather handsome, and had a way with words that she couldn’t object to when accepting a suitor. Despite not feeling anything towards Amemiya, he seemed like a decent candidate, which meant there should’ve been no problems with their engagement.

How wrong she was.

The first time it happened, it was after their initial meeting. Amemiya had pulled her in a nearby corner, pinning her against the dark wall, running his hands down the curves of her body, all while he shoved his tongue down her throat.

He justified it as preparing her for the day their eventual marriage would come. Mei never understood love at that time, so she thought that’s how it worked.

The actions continued and soon, no matter how difficult it was for her to breathe or try and take a break, Mei eventually got used to it and accepted that this would be her life from now on. It didn’t take long for her to realize he was using her for her money and status.

But that didn’t matter, as she tried to rationalize. It was for the Aihara family...it was for the Aihara family--a mantra she chanted in her mind repeatedly to keep herself sane.

Because this was her fated future, Mei’s world grew bleaker and bleaker. There was nothing left to look forward to aside from carrying the burdens of her family’s wishes. She took pride as an Aihara back when her father was still around. And in many respects, she still did, but the meaning no longer felt the same. It was no longer her pride, it was her shackle. And it was a weight that turned her from an innocent little girl to nothing but a prize.

Over time, she gave up on herself and directed her focus to the one thing that gave her an ounce of purpose left in her life, the school.

She grew quieter, more reclusive, and shunned the idea of sharing herself to others. After all, there was no point in doing so because all they were after was her wealth, her status, and her appearance. None of them wanted to know her as Mei, and none of them would understand her.

In the end, she despised the world and shut away her heart.

It wasn’t until Yuzu showed up in her life or, how Mei would put it, crash landed in her world. Despite a rocky beginning, Mei could honestly say that the blonde had also crash landed into her heart.

The best word Mei could describe Yuzu was, an anomaly. She could barely understand the blonde’s actions at first, nor why she always kept coming back to her. Why did she always come back to her? No matter how smart Mei was, this was something she could never figure out.

Even after spending a whole year with the blonde, who did more than enough for her, she would never understand what Yuzu saw in her. She was cruel, manipulative, cold, and found people to be a complete nuisance to her. She didn’t deserve it, no matter how much she tried to atone for everything she had done to Yuzu in the beginning.

She didn’t even know if she deserved what Yuzu was giving her at that moment.

“Mei?” she whispered. The dark-haired girl had her eyes shut, head turned to the side of the bed, and her arms covering a majority of her flushed face. She could sense Yuzu hovering over her, then felt gentle hands lower her arms so the blonde could have a better look at her.

Mei peeked under lidded eyelids only to find a warm smile and emerald irises gazing into her with pure awe.

“Hey...it’s okay if you don’t want this,” Yuzu reassured as she cupped Mei’s cheek.

Mei had agreed upon going through with these things earlier, despite the hesitation in her voice. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Yuzu, but the idea of giving herself over to another person at that level of intimacy was so new, it almost felt terrifying. Yuzu, on the other hand, thought it was simply Mei just giving her her needs out of obligation. She wanted to confirm it wasn’t just that.

“We could just lie here in the dark, I’m fine with that,” she said before she slid down to Mei’s chest and started tracing circles on the fabric of her shirt. As much as the older girl wanted to do this, she was completely content cuddling up to her girlfriend and falling asleep to the sound of her breathing and heartbeat.

Yuzu, always putting her needs before her own. It was times like these Mei wished the blonde to be a little more selfish from time to time.

“I…” Mei placed a hand on top of Yuzu’s head, directing her to look at her face, “I do...I want you. Please.” She averted her eyes to the side out of embarrassment, “I just...don’t know how these things work, but I trust you.”

That gave Yuzu all the confidence she needed. She gave a silent nod to Mei then told her, “if anything hurts, just tell me okay?” pressing her forehead against the younger girl.

Mei nodded and Yuzu kissed her, slow and steady. Her hand reached down Mei’s side, to the hem of her shirt, and slid underneath, feeling the bare skin on her fingertips. The touch made Mei shudder and snaked her hand around Yuzu’s neck. They both pulled back for air, then closed the distance only milliseconds after.

Yuzu didn’t know if she was doing any of this right, but each moan from the dark-haired girl only gave her the reassurance to keep going. She reached further up her chest, cupping a breast with the fabric of Mei’s bra acting as a barrier.

Without any words, Mei pushed herself against Yuzu’s hand, begging for more. Yuzu broke the kiss and went down to her neck leaving light kisses and nips while both her hand arms reached around the other girl’s back to unhook her bra and toss it to the side. Now the only thing in the way was Mei’s shirt. Pulling back, Yuzu directed Mei to sit up, pulling the clothing over her head. She dropped the garment on the floor and Mei’s hands tugged at Yuzu’s shirt, telling her to do the same.

The blonde sat up and removed the garment, throwing it to the side of the bed, and unhooked her own bra. She let it slide down her shoulders as she lowered herself and Mei back down the mattress, their bare chests only inches away from contact.

Yuzu simply stared at Mei, and Mei back to Yuzu. If anything, they were both unsure how else to proceed.

Mei wanted Yuzu to keep going, but held back to keep herself from sounding too needy. Yuzu wanted to continue, but didn't want to risk hurting Mei, recalling how often she rushed into the physical side in their relationship. Pleasuring Mei the best way she could was a firm goal in the blonde’s mind.

But memories of their past obstacles led Yuzu to have another goal in mind--make Mei forget. Make her forget all the pain. Make her forget all her worries. Make her forget all the pressure she was subjected to her whole life. And that included this. She didn't want to pressure Mei into doing this, despite agreeing earlier.

With a deep breath, she asked, “are you okay with this?”

To answer her question, Mei brought Yuzu’s face in for another kiss. This prompted the older girl to lower herself gently, making that much needed skin upon skin contact they both craved. Mei’s breath hitched in her throat and shuddered.

The sensation was electrifying.

They once made skin contact like this before--back when Mei had cornered the blonde in the shower and attacked her as some sort of joke.

Mei turned her head to break the kiss as soon as she remembered.

“Mei?” Yuzu placed her hand on her cheek to face her.

Once she looked into those emerald eyes, laced with a tinge of guilt, Mei focused her attention back to Yuzu. This was about them, now. This was about Yuzu.

“I’m okay,” she reassured, giving her a small smile to reignite the older girl’s confidence.

It was enough. Yuzu leaned down to kiss the younger girl. Each one grew heavier, clouding their minds with lust with every passing second.

She reached back up to Mei’s chest and firmly kneaded her breast, causing her to release a few moans. Upon hearing sounds of satisfaction in her lover’s voice, Yuzu brushed her thumb over a nipple. She slowly circled over it, releasing small whimpers from the other girl.

The growing arousal from both girls left them hungering for more. It wasn't enough.

Mei reached down to the belt of Yuzu’s pants, attempting to unbuckle. When she noticed Mei struggling, Yuzu chuckled and got up to unfasten and slip it off. She quickly removed her pants and didn't hesitate to start unbuttoning Mei’s.

Mei swallowed a lump in her throat as soon as Yuzu lowered the zipper and removed the clothing, slowly revealing those creamy white thighs.

Her breath grew shallow with every inch the skin below her waist became exposed. Her pants were around her knees, then to her ankles. Mei kicked them off and Yuzu focused her attention on pleasing her.

The blonde ran her hands up and down Mei’s thighs, caressing with the most gentle care. The dark-haired girl shivered at the touch. She could've finished right then and there. If this was how she felt when Yuzu simply touched her skin, she couldn't imagine how she would manage if the blonde went down there.

Yuzu glided her fingertips across Mei’s thighs, then to her stomach and her hips. She wanted to understand what Mei liked, didn't like, and absolutely craved. But each touch, no matter where Yuzu’s hands were, stirred her even more.

Mei elicited quiet moans and whimpers, silently begging and pleading. She wanted to melt into Yuzu. Reaching forward, she wrapped her arms around Yuzu’s back, directing her to lower herself. The younger girl ran her hands up and down the blonde’s back, then pulled her in to catch her lips in a feverish kiss. Yuzu continued running her hands up and down Mei’s sides as she felt Mei’s tongue prod at her lips.

She opened her mouth to let Mei’s tongue in and drank in her moans every time her hands moved in a way that she wanted.

Everything felt so exciting and overwhelming. Mei couldn’t believe any of this was actually happening. She thought of herself as a master of restraint and self-control, but Yuzu...Yuzu was being so patient, and gentle, and loving. Her slow, experimental touches left the younger girl incredibly turned on.

It differed greatly from the way Amemiya kissed her--from the way Amemiya touched her.

Mei put her hand on Yuzu’s shoulder, pushing her away slightly to catch her breath.

Yuzu just stared at her patiently, waiting for Mei to give the signal to keep going. In between regaining herself, Mei felt Yuzu’s fingers brush away dark bangs.

When Mei opened her eyes, she shyly looked away, embarrassed for what she wanted to do next. She didn't want to keep Yuzu waiting, but the soft strokes on her hair alleviated that pressure. She looked back to Yuzu’s eyes to give her a signal to continue. But without any words exchanged, those eyes spoke, ‘take your time’.

It was sweet, amazingly so. And it was little gestures like those that made Mei question how did she ever get lucky to have Yuzu in her life.

When Mei was ready, she hesitated for a bit until she took Yuzu’s free hand and guided it down her entrance.

Yuzu’s eyes widened at the action. It was as if Mei read her mind.

“Are you sure?” wanting to make sure Mei was ready.

Mei silently nodded, burning from arousal and embarrassment.

Through lidded eyelids, Yuzu hesitantly ghosted her fingers across the slit of Mei’s underwear, causing the younger girl to gasp and twitch slightly. She was soaking, and the simple contact flared up the blonde’s core. Yuzu couldn’t believe it. Mei was wet, for her, and it only ignited a certain drive within the older girl.

It would be tortuous to tease the younger girl with ghosted touches and soft caresses. But Yuzu wanted Mei to remain in a state of bliss for as long as she could.

 _She deserves it_ , the older girl thought. Remembering the dark-haired girl’s past loneliness and suffering, pained Yuzu. As strong as Mei made herself out to be, she was forced to grow up. Responsibilities beyond her abilities repeatedly took her life. Again and again.

And Yuzu wanted to give that back.

With gentle fingers, the older girl hooked her thumbs on the waistband of Mei’s panties and pulled them down her legs. Through this, the best she could, Yuzu wanted to reassure Mei everything would be okay.

Once the garment reached down to her ankles, Mei sucked in a breath. Every inch of her body was exposed, and while she trusted Yuzu to do anything to her, Mei couldn’t help but grab the sheets and try to hide herself away. It was something she always did.

But Yuzu stopped her and Mei loosened her grip. She no longer needed to hide herself anymore.

 _She’s so cute_ , Yuzu thought to herself.

Wasting no time, Yuzu slowly pushed a finger in, then another, causing Mei to cry out. Warmth kept flooding out as the blonde pumped her fingers at a steady pace. She could smell the arousal and Mei rolled her hips forward to gain that much needed friction.

Overwhelmed by the sensation, Mei fisted the sheets on the both sides of the bed, shut her eyes tight, and bit her bottom lip.

When Yuzu pulled out, Mei whimpered, absolutely begging for the blonde to continue. But Yuzu, trapped in heated desire, just stared at her coated fingers. Normally, she’d be a bumbling mess at her actions, but under that arousal, heat, and passion, Yuzu took her fingers and began sucking on them.

Mei watched, unable to protest at what was going on. Her heart pounded at the sight.

The taste was musky, raw, and completely from Mei. After sucking her fingers clean, Yuzu hungered for more. She wanted to taste more of Mei.

Yuzu positioned herself down the dark-haired girl’s stomach, planting butterflies kisses as she continued to move downward. When she made her way to the junction between the other girl’s legs, Yuzu lightly nipped the inside of her thighs, simultaneously gliding her nose across.

The scent flooded her senses. Reading about these kinds of things in her manga seemed simple enough, but actually doing it…

Unsure of how else to continue, Yuzu looked up, but found delicate, caressing fingers tangle in her hair. Mei wanted this. Badly.

Fulfilling her lover’s needs, Yuzu kissed Mei’s folds, then pushed her tongue inside her throbbing need. Mei’s breaths came out more ragged and harsh. The hand delicately placed on Yuzu’s head quickly fisted in her hair, wanting to push deeper.

Each gesture only encouraged the blonde to quicken the pace. Soft whines and whimpers calling out Yuzu’s name escaped Mei’s lips as the older girl progressively moved her tongue faster.

It was too good to be true.

How did she even deserve this?

Did she even deserve this?

It was a thought that kept creeping back up in her mind.

Yuzu was being rough, darting her tongue in and out of her entrance, lapping at her juices that continued to drip out. And yet, as much as Mei enjoyed this, she couldn’t help but feel that imbalance she’s always felt in their relationship.

Yuzu was always giving. Mei was always taking.

It was a guilt that weighed upon her, no matter how much reassurance Yuzu gave her.

She didn’t want Yuzu always having to provide for her, to rescue her, to comfort her. She wanted to return the favor. She wanted to show Yuzu how much she meant to her. She wanted to-

Before Mei could finish her last thought, she felt Yuzu’s fingers spread her folds and drag her tongue across inside her core.

“Ahhnn…”

Yuzu stilled Mei’s thighs to keep them from trembling. The hand that was fisted in the blonde’s hair loosened itself and found its way to Yuzu’s hand at the side. Mei grasped it, interlocking her fingers with the other girl’s. Her other hand ran down her face, muffling herself to keep anymore noises from escaping.

But Yuzu just kept going, her tongue buried itself as far as she could go, taking in Mei raw all around her. The younger girl’s locked fingers squeezed Yuzu’s hand like a lifeline. She wanted to have something physical to hold onto to remind herself this was real and not just another far off dream.

She could feel her walls tighten, climax approaching, prompting the dark-haired girl to tightly press her hand against her mouth.

With one last tortuously long lick, Mei came undone. Arching her back, she released a muffled scream behind her hand.

As Mei came down from her ecstasy, she felt Yuzu pull herself away from in-between her legs. The older girl wiped away the remaining arousal on her face and went back up to pepper kisses on Mei’s shoulders, then on her face.

Mei twitched a little from the renewed contact and opened her eyes, removing the hand pressed against her mouth. There was heavy exhaustion written all over her face, yet her eyes had a tinge of fire and determination. She wanted to make Yuzu feel good too.

Slowly, Mei made her way downward to the junction in-between Yuzu’s legs.

But before she could slip her fingers under the waistband of Yuzu’s underwear, the blonde gently grabbed her wrist and kissed the back of her hand.

“You should rest. You look tired,” she softly pointed out.

Mei just sighed in defeat. Why did Yuzu have to be right about her? Efforts hiding behind a mask later became futile the more she allowed the blonde into her heart.

Interlacing their fingers, Mei basked in the silence with the moonlight illuminating their room. It was a peaceful calm she never thought she’d ever be able to experience, especially with Yuzu.

The afterglow painted Mei in a way the blonde had never seen before. She had always admired Mei’s beauty, but after everything they shared in that night, Yuzu finally felt she truly understood everything about her from the inside out. The younger girl looked so content, so relaxed.

Without realizing it, tears fell onto Mei’s cheeks.

“Yuzu?” she placed her free hand on the older girl’s cheek, looking at the blonde with concern.

“You’re so beautiful, Mei,” she spoke through her sobbing, “I love you so much.”

She had heard Yuzu say those words before, but in that moment, something inside Mei overflowed.

For years, she always believed that her life would be nothing but work and business. Love was something she didn't see as a necessity. It was something she thought she could live without. If she had gone through this for five years, surely she could go on for five or more.

But Yuzu taught her it was okay to open up, to be weak, and most importantly, to love. Mei eventually crumbled under the blonde’s persistence and began to live. She once thought she was merely draining the life out of Yuzu, possibly leading to exhausting the girl and leaving her.

And yet, no matter how frustrating or complicated or messy things got, Yuzu kept on giving and was more than happy to do so.

Yuzu never loved her simply because of some familial obligation, or a business matter, or out of repaying some sort of debt as Mei once tried to previously last Christmas. Yuzu loved her because she was Mei.

There was someone out there who actually wanted to know her beyond her name, appearance, and status. There was someone out there willing to fight for her. There was someone out there who would love her no matter what.

And after all the turmoil and strife and chaos in their lives, Yuzu stayed by her side, as she promised that day in the library.

There was someone out there who...loved her?

Upon the revelation, tears began welling up in Mei’s eyes.

"I-” Mei choked, “I-I l-love you, t-too.” It was a first for her, but for the first time, younger girl felt free saying it. “I love you, Yuzu.”

Yuzu chuckled softly, wiping away the tears on Mei’s face with her thumb. Gazing into that soft and loving smile, Mei finally understood the blonde’s love.

To Yuzu, she was no prize. She was her whole world.

They curled up together in their dimly lit room, falling asleep to the sound of each other’s breathing. How long had it been since they could experience quiet, relaxing moments such as these? Throughout their relationship, everything felt like they were walking through smoke and haze. They had no idea how they got through it. It would be a miracle to say the least. But it didn’t matter what it was. Previous nights tended to weigh them both down with the fears of losing one another. But that was all over.

In that peaceful and quiet night, they truly felt everything would be okay.

  
  
  
  



End file.
